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When It Rains
I believe in sharing my umbrella in the rain. In the ruthless downpour of everyday duties and obligations, I share my unconditional love with two friends and a lover.
The first friend is forgiveness. Less than a year ago, I was part of a ruined friendship. At this point, I thought I would never love him again. “Time heals,” my heart would say. “Give each other space,” they tried to tell me. Through all this, my head was stubborn and refused to accept the possibility of new beginnings. I had been wronged and hurt and I was determined to lose myself in self-pity and estrogen. After vowing to stop caring, somehow I couldn’t forget what that love felt like and I surrendered to my heart and welcomed new beginnings. That was when I realized that to forgive is to realize one of the facets of unconditional love.
Distance is my second friend. I was convinced in order to love someone; they had to be in my life every day. I was so incredibly wrong; it’s okay to laugh. I became easily annoyed with someone I thought I could spend forever with. She broke the chains of attachment with authentic, if somewhat painful, words written in red and illuminated a truer friendship. It turns out too much time together turns love, into “tolerance.” I have never before appreciated distance as much as I do now. Because it doesn’t matter if I spend every waking moment with someone or see them in passing to share a knowing look of affection; unconditional love can span any distance.
My lover is belief in self. I used to doubt my worth and constantly batter myself with words of negativity. How can I love anyone if that is the way I treat myself? He told me I was strong and when I disagreed, he refused to argue the point. I didn’t understand that until half way through a cross country race and I heard myself repeating his words in my head; “you push yourself harder than anyone I know.” Every step moved me closer to an opponent, every breath I fought for felt like my last. And when my legs were numb and my lungs shriveled inside my chest, I saw the truth and with my last reserve of energy, I smiled because in that moment I loved who I was. Unconditional love has to start from inside.
Raw, unconditional love is something I still barely understand. A force so powerful, it can combat torrential waves and endless hours of relentless winds, and win. So powerful it made me love what I thought I would have to hate. It made me find forgiveness despite my stubborn attempts to hold a grudge. It taught me to discard attachment and maintain compassion. It showed me that self-love is the start of loving the rest of the world. An umbrella of love, simple enough to protect me from the rain.
The first friend is forgiveness. Less than a year ago, I was part of a ruined friendship. At this point, I thought I would never love him again. “Time heals,” my heart would say. “Give each other space,” they tried to tell me. Through all this, my head was stubborn and refused to accept the possibility of new beginnings. I had been wronged and hurt and I was determined to lose myself in self-pity and estrogen. After vowing to stop caring, somehow I couldn’t forget what that love felt like and I surrendered to my heart and welcomed new beginnings. That was when I realized that to forgive is to realize one of the facets of unconditional love.
Distance is my second friend. I was convinced in order to love someone; they had to be in my life every day. I was so incredibly wrong; it’s okay to laugh. I became easily annoyed with someone I thought I could spend forever with. She broke the chains of attachment with authentic, if somewhat painful, words written in red and illuminated a truer friendship. It turns out too much time together turns love, into “tolerance.” I have never before appreciated distance as much as I do now. Because it doesn’t matter if I spend every waking moment with someone or see them in passing to share a knowing look of affection; unconditional love can span any distance.
My lover is belief in self. I used to doubt my worth and constantly batter myself with words of negativity. How can I love anyone if that is the way I treat myself? He told me I was strong and when I disagreed, he refused to argue the point. I didn’t understand that until half way through a cross country race and I heard myself repeating his words in my head; “you push yourself harder than anyone I know.” Every step moved me closer to an opponent, every breath I fought for felt like my last. And when my legs were numb and my lungs shriveled inside my chest, I saw the truth and with my last reserve of energy, I smiled because in that moment I loved who I was. Unconditional love has to start from inside.
Raw, unconditional love is something I still barely understand. A force so powerful, it can combat torrential waves and endless hours of relentless winds, and win. So powerful it made me love what I thought I would have to hate. It made me find forgiveness despite my stubborn attempts to hold a grudge. It taught me to discard attachment and maintain compassion. It showed me that self-love is the start of loving the rest of the world. An umbrella of love, simple enough to protect me from the rain.
Animas High School Twin Buttes, Durango CO, 81301 (970) 247-2474
My Contact Information: [email protected]
Updated on: 9.8.13
My Contact Information: [email protected]
Updated on: 9.8.13